The "Perfect" Marriage

 I heard recently that every marriage comes with two handicaps. My first reaction was, wait what, and then I listened, and it made more sense. Those two handicaps are the 2 imperfect individuals coming together. While we would like a perfect relationship, we must understand that we are all imperfect beings. A "perfect" marriage is one that stretches us and helps us grow each day of our life.

There are four major levels of relationships. With each level, the relationship requires more commitment and becomes more meaningful. The dating phase is where you are getting to know other people. You go on many dates with a diverse group of people. This allows you to get to know many people and find out what you would like in a partner. It also gives you the time to change and become a better person. The second stage is courtship. This is where the relationship becomes more exclusive. In this stage the relationship is more official. The word "court" implies trial, meaning this is a time of discovery and deciding if this relationship can hold out. The next level is engagement. This is when the relationship takes a step towards marriage. Each person at this stage is getting to know each other.  During this phase the soon to be couple plans a wedding. They should also be planning out a happy and successful marriage. The last stage is marriage. At this level a man and women are able to achieve the greatest satisfaction that can come from a relationship with each other. 

Marriage ages have changed over the years. Back in 1970 men were 23 and women were 21. In 2021 the average marriage age is 30 for males and 28 for women. A study on families and marriage satisfaction showed that younger couples reported higher marriage satisfaction in their relationships then those that waited till later to get married. Younger couples reported 81% (men) and 73% (women) on how satisfied they felt in their marriages. The couples that were older reported much lower with males saying 71% and women saying 70%.

So now we need to ask the question; why do people want this end goal of marriage? While there are many reasons for why people get married here are just a couple that felt were important. 

1. The need for intimacy. Having someone that shares that love and affection with you can provide the support you need emotionally and physically.  

2. In the society we live in it is often expected of us to get married. The negative opinions aimed at those that choose to remain single can be a reason for why an individual would want to get married. Being married and having a happy family shows the world that you are a "normal" and "successful" individual.

3. The last reason I will share is the desire for children. While this is something that can be achieved outside of marriage, studies have shown that the divorce rate is much higher with individuals that cohabit and have children before getting married. In fact, 40% of children are born from unwed parents in the United States. While having children in the short term will lower martial satisfaction with each child born, the long term benefits show that much growth can occur in a family that has children and that marriage satisfaction is increased again over time.

In the Bible we read, “Therefore, shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). It is important to leave your parents and become one with your new companion. This of course takes adjustment and time. In the first year there are many accommodations that must be made. They must learn to share a bed, their plans/schedules, finances/debt, time, physical and sexual intimacy, and the decision of raising and having children. It seems like so much and you may feel discouraged at times to keep relationships healthy and ongoing, but the benefits that comes from a marriage cannot be misplaced. When you become one flesh (marry) it requires sacrifice, but it’s my personally belief that when you sacrifice the reward you receive is much greater.