Let's Talk About The Birds & The Bees
Imagine it’s
your wedding day and you are at the reception socializing with the line of
people that want to congratulate and give you encouragement with your new life.
Everyone in both of your families is there except for one of your aunts. Your
aunt is very well off and enjoys going on trips all around the world. She told
you that even though she would not be able to attend your wedding she will have
her gift delivered to you. All you know about her gift is that she told you,
that you both will love and enjoy it. Later during the party, some individuals
carry in the largest and weirdest shaped wrapped present you have ever seen
with a tag on it that says “fragile, open with care.” You know for certain that
this is the gift your aunt promised, but your mind is filled with many questions.
What is it? When the time comes how do you and your spouse address this
present? How would you unwarp it?
Sexual intimacy
is a lot like this present received from your fictional aunt in the scenario
above. You are told you will enjoy this present, but it is something quite out
of the ordinary. It is something new and peculiar. When it comes to sex the
best thing, a new couple can do is "unwarp" this gift together carefully,
since it can be a very sacred and memorable, but also a very delicate in nature.
For us to
understand the importance of sex we must discuss the 4 stages of sexual
responses so we can better understand the process. The first stage is excitement.
In this stage there is physical and psychological stimulation that causes
arousal. The next stage is called a plateau. In this face there is a continuation
of arousal that will lead into the third stage of orgasm. In this phase there
is a discharge of sexual tension that has built up causing emotional,
spiritual, and physical connection between partners. A lot of what happens
during sexually experiences occurs in the brain. During orgasm the brain releases
massive amounts of dopamine (the feel-good neurotransmitter) and serotonin (a
chemical that contributes to mood, sleep, and relaxation). Oxytocin (the love
hormone), more commonly found in women, is also released during
sex. The final stage is resolution. In this stage there is a time of
recovery to a state of un-arousal. Men typically need a recovery time after achieving
orgasm whereas females are capable of a fast return to the orgasm phase and could
even experience multiple orgasms. Understanding how sex works can help a couple
become more sexually compatible which means to have easier and more natural enjoyable
sex experiences.
Men are more
sex driven. They want to experience sex so that they can feel close, safe, and
warm with their partner. For a woman, they need to feel close, safe, and warm for
them to have the desire to be sexually active. Both men and women have a crucial
part in helping their partners feel comfortable and save so they can continue
to have healthy sexual relationships. God given obligations to fathers are to
ensure that he protects, provides, and presides with his wife for their family.
When a righteous father fulfills these duties, he can create an environment
that is more ideal for making love.
Because
sexual intimacy inside the bonds of marriage is such a powerful gift, there is
constant opposition to it. About 21% of married men and 14% of married women
report having an affair. These can range from sexual affairs, to viewing pornography,
and even just fantasizing and flirting with others that are not your spouse.
With online chat rooms, dating apps, and social media the ways of being un-loyal
in your marriage have increased exponentially. While affairs are devastating,
there is some hope. About 70% of people that have affairs stay together and
about half of those couples end up building a more healthier relationship.
There is a
powerful lesson we can learn from the first married couple put on this earth,
Adam and Eve. Adam did not have dysfunctional parents and yet he still said that,
"a man should leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his
wife: and they shall be one flesh" (Genesis 2:24). No matter who or what
it is, nothing should wedge its way into the middle of a couple’s marriage and
sexual relationships. When we focus our attention on something of lesser value
then our spouse for too long then we may lose the one thing that would bring us
the most satisfaction in our family relationships.
When it
comes to sexual intimacy, it is not all about running as fast as we can to make
a touchdown in the end zone. We should really take the time to make it the most
meaningful and unifying process that a couple can have. Take the time to unwarp
this delicate gift and don’t go looking for it in other places. The pain that
comes from seeing those that you know lose everything is not worth the instant gratification
of having any type of affair.
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