A Crisis A Day Keeps The Darkness At Bay

What do you think of when you hear the world crisis? Whatever you thought of I imagine that it does not sound or look enjoyable. In the Chinese language the world crisis is pronounced, Wéi jī (危機). The Chinese definition of this word means two things. First it means something dangerous and secondly it refers to opportunity. Interesting how we look at this word in one way when really a crisis is both dangerous and an opportunity for change and growth.

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In today's world we often hear the messages like, "what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger" or "no pain equals no gain." Whether he enjoy or dislike pain and suffering it is a natural part of our earthly experience. Each person has their own struggles and issues. When I say struggles it may sound like the trial has to be negative, but that is not always the case. For example, having a child causes stress on the new parents, but it is also a time of immense joy. This week’s blog is not to discuss or create a list of all the issues we face in our personal life and in family situations. Rather, I would like to dive into the diverse types of stressors in family life, what goes on in our mind when we are faced with a "crisis scenario", and then give some suggestions on how to most effectively deal with life’s problems that we face daily. 

Internal stressors are events that begin within the family. External events occur outside the family like world events or weather that eventually impacts the family. Normative events are expected events that happen over the course of typical family life. Non-normative stressors occur when the unexpected happens in a family.

Stressful events are best understood as we look at them through the family relationship equation of A + B + C = X.

A is the actual event or the stressor event that is occurring at this moment. B is both the resources available and the response you take. Many people have the same recourses, but people differ on how they use the. C is the cognitive thoughts, view, and opinions on the given situation. All three combine to make up the total experience. When we have multiple stressor events occurring at the same time it can cause a pile up which could lead to an even more stressful situation.

During stressful events two parts of the brain, the frontal lobe and the limbic system are at use. The frontal lobe is our intellectual part of the brain. it is where most of the planning and problem solving occurs. The limbic system is the emotional part of our brain. When faced with a stressor event our emotions take over and we go into an auto pilot phase where we do one of three different things. Those modes, triggered by anxiety, are fight, flight, or freeze. These reactions are the survival instincts that take control in a moment of emotional, physical, or spiritual crisis.

The best thing we can do is take a moment and try to understand the situation. When we do this, we allow our frontal lobe to make the best decision because we understand what is true. Victor Frankl ounce said, "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. in our response lies our growth and our freedom." When our emotions are not in check it can cause even greater stress in family situations. Taking the time to allow our brain to make the best decision always results in the best outcome.

When we think of a perfect world we think of no stress. This would be nice, but very unrealistic. Stress and anxiety are a natural part for all of us. Stressor events can either leave us at the same place, an even lower state of being, or better off than we originally were. Because stress is inevitable, my hope is that we all can grow from these moments of crisis in a way that we come out better then we were before. Not only will this benefit us personally, but more importantly it will aid the family in remarkable ways.