To date or not to date? That is the question!

A long time ago, (as every good fairy tale starts) there lived a princess. One day this princess found the man of her dreams. It was love written in the alignment of the millions of stars in the night sky. Before this tale is over the princess is captured and the prince is off to the rescue. After cunningly defeating the evil sorcerer, they return home, and they get married and live in the kingdom as the new queen and king. Then they lived happily ever after! Those final words are the most interesting. What does it mean to live happily ever after? Does that imply that after you find your true love there is no work and no struggles? The obvious answer is no! There is so much more to a relationship, and it all starts in dating! So, let us talk about that this week!

What are the main attributes you look for in a boyfriend or a girlfriend? Some of the major rules/laws of attraction are, physical looks, personality, similarities with parents or upbringing, shared hobbies or talents, wealth, and the thought that opposites attract.  There is no one guaranteed answer because they all play an important part in the process of choosing who we date. Just like we cannot judge a book by its cover, we cannot judge a person by our first impressions. I enjoy reading and some of my favorite book series have a little bit of a slow start at first. I grew to love them more only after I invested my time and attention to them. The same is the case for finding your future husband or wife. You grow a deeper appreciation and love with those that you spend meaningful time (dates) with. You may also start dating a person solely based on first impressions and when you get to know them you realize that perhaps this is not the right person you should marry. The “right” book or person can only be determined by taking a look inside to see what is beyond the cover.

An interesting study showed that sometimes we mistake arousal based on other physiological responses. This is called misattribution of arousal or when we mix the feelings of love with anxiety or fear. Each have a strong pull on the heart and mind. One study showed pictures of others of the opposite sex and invited them to rate them on a scale of attraction, with ten being the highest. They then showed the group a horror film and did the same test afterwards. Results showed that the participants rated the pictures the second time 20% more attractive.  So were they acting out of love or fear caused by the horror movie, because they were the same pictures? Different experiences in life can trigger emotions and its important that we misplace them.

One of my go to indicators for marriage satisfaction and success is connection and communication. During the time you spend dating you set a pattern that either makes or breaks your future relationship. During the dating process you learn more about and get to know the person you will eventually marry. So, what’s the danger of just hanging out? Well, there is a big difference between dating and hanging out. Hanging out shows no commitment and no end goal in mind. The person that enjoys hanging out may fear taking the next step or they may have other issues holding them back. Most of the time, healthier relationships are built from getting to know people by going on dates. For a date to be considered a date it must contain the three p’s of dating. It must be planned for, paired off, and paid for.  
I mentioned last week that in the Family Proclamation a father’s responsibilities include three tasks; to provide, preside, and protect. Is there no wonder that these are interconnected? As you plan out a date you show that you are able to preside over a family and be an equal partner. When you pay you show your commitment to provide for the needs of a future family and that you are willing to work. As you are paired off you take ownership of protecting and being there for that person. You won’t want to compromise boundaries. You protect your date by having appropriate discussions and of course physically protecting your date if those situations arise. It’s almost like dating prepares us for marriage!

At the end of this blog we come back to the title of this blog; to date or not to date, that is the question? Well, if you want a happier and long lasting relationship my recommendation is to date people. Get to know many people and find the one that is perfect for you!